I Search Your Name Online

Music & lyrics by Robin Young

Once a year, I search your name online
I still want answers after all this time
I gather up any crumbs you leave behind
This is how you trained me to survive.

And I’ll come back again, like I don’t know the end
You’re just around the bend for a moment
And I’ll go back for more, till I can’t see the shore
I’ve tossed away the oars, I’m sinking.

I’m still here, treading water in our past
Our time was short, but this grief is deep and vast
I cling to the debris that I can find
This is how you trained me to survive.

And I’ll come back again, like I don’t know the end
You’re just around the bend for a moment
And I’ll go back for more, till I can’t see the shore
I’ve tossed away the oars, I’m sinking.

Half a lifetime gone, and still, I carry on
I’m still holding on to your memory
Half a lifetime passed, I keep you behind glass
Can’t release my grasp and set you free.

Once a year, I search your name online
I still want answers after all this time
I gather up any crumbs you leave behind
This is how you trained me to survive.

Brooklyn

Music & lyrics by Robin Young

I am walking down the streets of Brooklyn
Raindrops, they are falling at my feet
And the wine I drank at dinner
It is blurring all the edges around me.

I am traveling alone in Brooklyn
Sitting with my notebook open wide
I ran away from home
I know the way he makes me feel, it isn’t right.

And at the dimming of the day
I see a stranger with your face
And the way it makes me feel
It makes me want another life
Where I’m with you and not a wife
Though I know it can’t be real.

I am sleeping all alone in Brooklyn
Wishing you could touch me just one time
He says, just come back to Boston
But at home, he doesn’t sleep by my side.

I could see a life with you in Brooklyn
Walking with your hand held tight in mine
But you’re a thousand miles away
And the years are just too great a divide.

And at the dimming of the day
I see a stranger with your face
And the way it makes me feel
It makes me want another life
Where I’m with you and not a wife
Though I know it can’t be real.

[Instrumental]

And between the sheets of rain
I can just make out your face
And the way you made me feel
As though the time just fell away
And your decision not to stay
But I know that it’s not real.

The Ghost of You

Music & lyrics by Robin Young

Autumn creeps in overnight
And leaves behind a trail of frost
When I wake to the smell of smoke
I know it won’t be long.

Somehow, it finds me every fall
As surely as the seasons change
These locked doors and boarded windows
Even they can’t keep it away.

I could change my name
I could run away
No matter what I do
I am haunted by the ghost of you.

Just when I think that I’m alone
I see your handprints on the glass
You call my name when the wind blows
When the floor creaks, I hear your laugh.

I could change my name
I could run away
No matter what I do
I am haunted by the ghost of you.

They say you haunt the ones you love
Until your story is complete
I’ll remember you for all my life
But I need you to let me be.

I could change my name
I could run away
No matter what I do
I am haunted by the ghost of you.

I Don’t Miss You

Music & lyrics by Robin Young

There’s this memory I come back to like the scene of a crime
I’ll probably analyze the details for the rest of my life
It’s the story I tell once I’ve had a glass of wine
But when I say it out loud, it sounds hopelessly trite.

There was the brush of your hand as we walked down Belvidere
There was the warmth of your breath as you whispered in my ear
There was the feeling that fate itself was drawing us near
We felt the mysteries of the universe were all becoming clear.

But when I miss you, I don’t miss you
I miss the ending to our story
When I miss you, I don’t miss you
I miss the way I thought love would be
When I miss you, I don’t miss you.

When we were eighteen, we thought that we invented love
With the future stretched before us, our lives had just begun
I’ve tried for years to write it off as young delirium
But there’s still some things I can’t forget now that I’ve grown up.

But when I miss you, I don’t miss you
I miss the ending to our story
When I miss you, I don’t miss you
I miss the way I thought love would be
When I miss you, I don’t miss you
When I miss you, I don’t miss you.

Who are you now?
Do you ever think of me?
Were we always doomed to fail?
Does a part of you regret losing me?

But when I miss you, I don’t miss you
I miss the ending to our story
When I miss you, I don’t miss you
I miss the way I thought love would be
When I miss you, I don’t miss you
I miss the man I know you could be
When I miss you, I don’t miss you.

There’s a Part of Me

Music & lyrics by Robin Young

There’s a part of me that will not learn to live without you
There’s a part of me that still wants to call you home
And most of me knows, I’m better off alone
But there’s a part of me that still belongs to you.

There’s a part of me that shivers at your memory
But there’s a part of me that still wants to draw you close
And most of me knows, you make me sink like a stone
But there’s a part of me that still belongs to you.

[Instrumental]

There’s a part of me that wants to love somebody new
But there’s a part of me that’s always screaming no, no
And most of me knows, it’s long past time to let you go
But there’s a part of me that still belongs to you.

[Instrumental]

There’s a part of me that still believes you’re meant for me
There’s a part of me that sees you everywhere I go
And most of me knows, it isn’t right to love a ghost
But there’s a part of me that still belongs to you
A part of me will always belong to you.

Midnight Train

Music & lyrics by Robin Young

Late at night, when I can’t sleep
I hear the train rolling by
Its lonely whistle flies to me
It echoes through my troubled mind
And then I feel so far away
Away from the life we dreamed
When I hear the midnight train
That could’ve carried your love to me.

Oh, I could never have you
Oh, I could never have you.

Across the river, dark and deep
Along the worn and winding track
Runs the train from you to me
I always thought it would bring you back
You should’ve caught it as it passed
Spent every dollar that you had
But every night, it rumbles past
Never stopping or turning back.

Oh, I could never have you
Oh, I could never have you.

Late at night, when I can’t sleep
I think of what we might have been
Was your love on its way to me?
Did it lose control around a bend?
Separating from the tracks
And tumbling down the mountainside
I may never know the truth
But I think of you
When the midnight train rolls through.

River

Music & lyrics by Robin Young

There was a time I wanted you to save me
I was fragile as a feather in the wind
And once upon a time, you tried to change me
I’d twist and turn to bring you back again.

There was a time when you knew how to break me
A wild horse flying in the wind
And once upon a time, your hands could tame me
I’d follow you to hell and back again.

Like the river flows to the sea
I thought you and I were meant to be
But honey, all good things are wild and free
You can’t contain a single part of me.

This river’s dark, and it’s deep
And it’s wild, and it’s free
Like the wind, or the sea
Oh, you’ll never tame me.

My love for you could’ve carved a canyon
Wearing down your stone heart over time
It started as a trickle in the mountains
And rushed to you like the moon pulls the tide.

Like the river flows to the sea
I thought you and I were meant to be
But honey, all good things are wild and free
You can’t contain a single part of me.

This river’s dark, and it’s deep
And it’s wild, and it’s free
Like the wind, or the sea
Oh, you’ll never tame me.

[Instrumental]

This river’s dark, and it’s deep
And it’s wild, and it’s free
Like the wind, or the sea
Oh, you’ll never tame me
Like the wind, or the sea
Oh, you’ll never tame me.

Mirror

Music & lyrics by Robin Young

Loving you was like looking in a mirror
Staring down into your depths, I’ve never seen myself more clear
The terror of losing love ran hot inside our veins
When you gazed into my eyes, sometimes, I had to look away.

Oh, you were my twin mind
And oh, you left me behind
Oh, you were my other half
In my own eyes, I see you looking back.

I saw myself reflected in your fears
You left me staring at my darkest parts when you disappeared
Our synchronicity, it ran so deep, it almost killed me
When you lied, then cut the lines, I didn’t know what to believe.

Oh, you were my twin mind
And oh, you left me behind
Oh, you were my other half
In my own eyes, I see you looking back.

Loving you was like looking in a mirror
A part of you lives on in me, even after all these years
There was a thread connecting you to me, we felt it when we met
And nothing that I tried severed the tie when you left.

Letters to a Ghost

Music & lyrics by Robin Young

What do I have left to say to you after all those lines I wrote?
What do I have left to say to you after all those lies you told?
The words you never heard me say are burning in my throat
After all these years, I’m sitting here, writing letters to a ghost.

I tell you, you weren’t the love of my life, I know that now
But you, you’ve stayed with me through time, no matter what I do
You’re the mystery that I keep coming back to
If only I could close the tomb.

The ink I spill runs off the page, leaves tattoos on my skin
I say I’m being haunted, but I’m the one who lets you in
The love and fear you made me feel lives deep inside my bones
After all these years, I’m sitting here, writing letters to a ghost.

I tell you, you weren’t the love of my life, I know that now
But you, you’ve stayed with me through time, no matter what I do
You’re the mystery that I keep coming back to
If only I could close the tomb.

[Instrumental]

I tell you, you weren’t the love of my life, I know that now
But you, you’ve stayed with me through time, no matter what I do
You’re the mystery that I keep coming back to
If only I could close the tomb.

What do I have left to say to you after all these lines I wrote?
After all these years, I’m writing my last letter to a ghost.

Free

Music & lyrics by Robin Young

Go ahead and picture me
The way I looked when we were eighteen
But don’t you try and touch me
‘Cause I’m free.

Go ahead and miss me
You can tell me all about it in your dreams
But don’t you try and summon me
‘Cause I’m free.

‘Cause I’m free
Now, I’m free
‘Cause I’m free
Now, I’m free.

From the moment that you met me
You wanted to possess me
Now, you don’t even know me
‘Cause I’m free.

‘Cause I’m free
Now, I’m free
‘Cause I’m free
Now, I’m free.

You took things a step too far when you asked me for the world
‘Cause when it came down to it, you gave me nothing in return
You pushed me a bit too far, and I saw further than before
Saw a life without you in it; I lit a match, and watched it burn.

‘Cause I’m free
Now, I’m free
‘Cause I’m free
Now, I’m free.